On track

Well this is as good a time as any to write something down...and it has been a long time!

I remember a while back reading a blog by one of my favourites, Amanda over at A Lady Scientist. She wrote about how hard it is to blog after you haven't written for a while - nothing seems important enough to write about.
It occurred to me that this is a similar thing as when you are in a long distance relationship or you have been away from your significant other for a while. It is really hard to connect. You haven't spoken for a while and it seems like you should have something profound to tell them. Once you get through the important details, there is nothing left because it just doesn't seem important to tell them where you ate lunch or about something bizarre you saw on the train.
I guess people who have experienced long distance relationships know how to deal with this, how to make it work for them.
I was away at 2 conferences, a course and another laboratory (all in different Australian cities) for 3 weeks earlier this year and I found staying in touch with my husband and Little Man really difficult. We spoke everyday, some times more than twice, and sometimes for hours but it just wasn't the same. I felt SO disconnected.
Of course, when I got home it was like I had never been away.
I guess I just started thinking about this today because I felt like writing in this blog. It appears that I am in the mood for rambling nonsensical chit chat - but all my best girlfriends are at work :) (will you be my bff, blog?).

Anyway, I am supposed to be writing a paper. Actually,that's not true. I am supposed to be writing three papers.
Revising one after reviewers comments, writing 2 others. And writing an abstracts for 2 conferences coming up.

And writing a grant.

Wtf? When am I actually supposed to be doing the science? Well, I managed to feed my adipocytes yesterday - (just read that again and it sounded like I just had lunch at McDonald's or something :) )
So I am very busy but I am enjoying it. In fact - I haven't been this happy in ages.

Aside from some significant professional accomplishments, I am back into my running, going most mornings. I have lost 5kgs which makes me fit into clothes i haven't worn in a while.

The weather is starting to warm up 31C today. And I am having a love affair....

...with my husband. I adore him.

And this is where I am ending this blog because it is getting out of control :)

Too much love and happiness can make one lose one's lunch!

Computer heaven

Well, it has been quite a while since I have posted here.
This is due largely to the amount of things I have going on at the moment.
I have been travelling for work for the last three weeks. Starting with my first national conference (2 actually). I am not going to detail everything I have been doing in one post and will catch up slowly over the next few otherwise I am going to bore myself to death.

I have some sad news. My beloved and faithful computer died this week. Not only was the death sudden and shocking (involving a lot of strange noises) it also involved a significant amount of trauma because it took 3 weeks of hard work with it to computer heaven. Much swearing and crying ensued. Being thousands of miles from home and not organising a back up system was a mistake that I will NEVER make again (until next time of course!) Please, back up your work immediately. Particularly the work that you did every night for weeks into the wee hours (instead of enjoying yourself in all these cities you have been living in) so that the paper was perfect and new thesis chapters added.
Anyway, I have grieved now and am looking forward to moving on. Shopping continues....

Ethics and Politics

So I have recently submitted my project (and all of the supporting documentation) in to the Hospital Research Ethics Committee (HREC) to be reviewed and approved so that I can get underway with my PhD research. How naive I was thinking that this was merely a formality and that the process would be simple and easy. I had copies of the protocol, consent forms, DNA storage forms and all the relevant supporting documentation that totalled 200 pages.
And after all - the patients I want to include in my study would be having surgery and blood sampling anyway, all they have to consent to my use and storage of their DNA.
It seems almost funny now that I thought this would be so easy.
Apparently, according to another committee member, what it comes down to is that there are people on HREC that don't like my supervisor so they are blocking the submission.

What the?!

Surely that should have nothing to do with it! Not only does my candidacy for PhD require approval of this project, we are waiting on a relatively large sum of money that is dependant on this approval. It doesn't seem 'ethical' that they can object to this study because they have some long standing war with my supervisor.

What now? I am off to find out what the options are.

Ancient History

This morning I had to coordinate the move of a VERY old piece of laboratory equipment (older than me at least) that I use frequently. I have been looking forward to this as I have had to walk to other side of the hospital to use this machine all the time and it is a big waste of time and not available on weekends. (The explanation of the politics preventing this move for 2 years belongs in an entirely different post :) )

So, it wasn't until 5 big burly men turned up to move it that I realised how heavy it is! (120+kg) It took half the day to take it from one side of the hospital and install on the other side (and I haven't even plugged it all in yet!) It is such a lot of work for one piece of equipment that I am the only one using, yet I can't do without it.

So it got me thinking. This machine has done what I need it to do, almost every day for 2 years, and LOTS of people have used it before me. I can't imagine any of the newer pieces of equipment we use frequently lasting that long before it is superseded by incompatible technology. I imagine PCR will be around for a long time to come, but I doubt the thermocyclers we use now are going to be usable in 2o years. Or at least, the plates/tubes etc. won't be compatible.

Things are moving increasingly quickly aren't they?

Coming along nicely

Things are moving very well in my little world. My research proposal is in (finally!) and so are three abstracts that I have been working on for a while now.
I have set up a (relatively) lucrative collaboration (in fact, maybe two).

I am off to Melbourne for two successive conferences in August/September. I can't wait! I am ridiculously excited to have 2 weeks to myself to go running when I want, to eat when I want, not have to get anyone ready for school, take anyone to swimming lessons, not hang out washing etc (I think you get the idea). I know that I am going to miss Little Man and Husband terribly, but pining isn't my thing and I can't wait to do things for me.
Just about finished my paper too (well the second draft, so we will see what Fearless Leader says about it)...so I gave myself permission to take it easy today and I did all the housework and made dinner early.
Now it is almost time to pick little man up from school, hang out some washing and then go to swimming lessons....hmmm.

Conflicting ideas

This is probably a problem that many post graduate students suffer, all to vary degrees I would imagine. So I thought that because I have been experiencing it lately, it would be cathartic to write about it.
It revolves around the conflicting ideas/advice from two (or more) supervisors.
In Australia, when you choose supervisors for your project it makes sense to choose ones with different backgrounds and expertise, as it broadens the scope of the information that you can draw from. Right? Well, that is what I thought anyway. Turns out, my Clinical Supervisor 1 and my Molecular Genetics Supervisor 2 have very different ideas about what direction my project should take (I am currently writing my research proposal and several abstracts for conferences).

So what is the answer to this problem? Logically (and theoretically) you would take on all the advice and make your own decisions (like when raising children!) and I am trying to do this to some extent. But Clinical Supervisor 1 is very sure that his knowledge of genetics is as good as Mol. Gen. Supervisor 2 (it isn't...although it is remarkably good for a clinician) and he is my coordinating supervisor (ie. the one who pays my scholarship) and I do really respect him and all of his experience so I have gone ahead with his advice.

I just hope that I haven't disappointed Supervisor 2.
Do you think that I am worrying too much?

Busy, busy

So my presentation went really well.
With the help from my husband I had the confidence to speak to others about my work and here's the weird thing - I loved it! Like, really loved it. I got talking to a Professor who is interested in my work and wants to set up a collaboration that could see me doing some work at John Hopkins Institute in Baltimore. It was a brilliant day.
The more time goes on the more I think I have chosen the right path. Sure, there is no money in it but I like it. I like the challenge, the discovery process and (apparently) I like talk to people about my work. With the opportunity to travel, I think I may enjoy this after all. Who'd have thunk it?

So my supervisor comes back today from 6 weeks in the UK and we have a lot to talk about. I have had a very productive 6 weeks, and with a potential collaboration to discuss, I am quite looking forward to it.

In more exciting news - I am getting dressed up tonight for the first time in a long time (heels and everything!) to go and have cocktails and see the Sex and the City movie with my girlfriends. Very, very excited would be an understatement.

Presentations

I have been preparing for my first proper presentation over the last few days. I have never actually presented my work in a public forum before but I had no trouble putting together all my slides and I knew all the things I wanted to say.

Then I actually tried to do it (once alone and once to Little Man). It was TERRIBLE! Even Little Man said - "What are you doing Mummy, you sound funny". I just couldn't make complete sentences let alone get it all to flow together for a cohesive and elegant summary of my work.

So, when Husband got home and I had my little crazy rant about how I am never going to be able to do this, maybe I should just be a waitress full time blah blah blah. He sat down with me and (painstakingly) went through every slide and he coached me and encouraged me. (He is a university lecturer so it is fair to say that he has had quite a bit of experience)

He taught me so much about the way to link points together and not to panic if I don't say something exactly the way I wanted to. He explained what I was doing wrong in the most gentle and encouraging way. He wouldn't agree to give the presentation for me but made me believe that I may just be able to do it on my own!

I have the greatest husband in the world.

Thinking differently

There has been a real shift in the way that I have been approaching and tackling problems lately. I used to be unmotivated everyday. (Think procrastination at its worse, I used to spend HOURS doing other things completely unrelated to my work). I used to let little things get me down and I was terribly unorganised. But not anymore...
So, this has had me pondering the reasons why (but not in a procrastination type way :) ).

Could I just be growing up? I am 26 now, but I have a 5 year old so I have been responsible for myself and my family for a while now, so it is probably not age related.

Is it my research? I have just recently started post-graduate studies but I have been working on this project as an RA for almost 2 years. So while my official title has changed, my work hasn't.

I am going to tell you a story about Little Man now.
He is 5 years old and is a clever little thing (even if I do say so myself!). He has a vocabulary that would rival most adults but has never tried hard at anything. If it is perceived as too difficult he won't even attempt it. Last Easter we went on a camping holiday east of Perth. We went on a hike together that was only about 3-4km and he found it really tough. He whinged and complained like nothing else and no one enjoyed themselves that day (particularly Little Man).
On our next camping holiday, last month we went on another hike. This one was around 8km and when we set out I had serious doubts about us finishing it. During the walk we talked about challenges and how worthwhile they are and although they seem difficult at the time the sense of achievement when you finish makes the challenge even more worthwhile. Well my Little Man did the whole thing and barely complained once. And since that day I am proud to say that he has approached the challenges in his life (learning to read, riding his bike, telling the time, more hiking) with the same positive attitude and has made some significant achievements (particularly at school).

I hadn't thought about this in relation to my own challenges until recently. Could his shift in thinking have led to a similar change in mine? I have never been so motivated professionally. I have submitted my first abstract to an international conference and am presenting at two national ones in August. I am almost finished my first paper, and working on another. My research proposal is due soon and I am excited about it! I have never been so organised at work, and at home.

I hope that I can hold on to this positive attitude and be able to remind myself what it feels like, even when things aren't going so well in the lab (please refer me back to this post if necessary!)
I guess I am discovering what Little Man is, overcoming difficulties and facing challenges head on is addictive!

And just as a little aside:
I like this thinking in 10's thing that everyone seems to have going:

In 10minutes: I will back working on my presentation

In 10 hours: Serving very rich people expensive wine and amazing food at Balthazar, in the city - my night job.

In 10 days: I will have finished my presentation and have received back the comments on my paper from my supervisors/collaborators.

In 10 weeks: It will be my husbands birthday and I will be preparing to fly to Melbourne for conferences.

In 10 months: I will know the outcome of 'my big mistake'.

In 10 years: We will have had another baby and built our house and I will be earning a comfortable living because they will have changed the way research is funded in Australia*.

*yeah right.

More productive after midnight, before 6am?

I have a lot going on with my research at the moment.
So much that I find myself unable to sleep. This is really quite strange for me as I am usually asleep before my head hits the pillow - my husband teases me about it all the time.
So I was lying in bed last night at 10pm trying to sleep but all I could think about was this abstract that I am supposed to submit to a national conference by the weekend.
So rather than lie there I got up to work on it (ie. start it). After about 15 minutes of reading, I had a brilliant idea (a relative term obviously) and the whole thing just came together in the next 4 hours or so. I went to bed about 2:30am only to lie there awake for a couple more hours thinking about my research proposal. *sigh*
This nocturnal activity seems to work for me. I have been known to set my alarm for 4am to work on something for a few hours before Little Man (whose 5 now) wakes up. I find that I get so much more done in those few hours than I would get done at other times of the day. The problem is, that while lab work and writing can be done at anytime of the day, family life doesn't quite accommodate it.
But we just do what we need to do, right?
All I need is some more coffee, with a little discipline.

A new kind of procrastination

Ok so I admit it.
I used to think that blogging was a bit strange. Why would you want to write your thoughts down for other people to read, and more importantly, why would they want you to?

That was until I started reading.

My best friend started writing about her love affair with all things food and cooking (see Cookbook Fiend) and that lead to me to looking at other blogs related to my professional interest - Science. I have never felt so motivated in my own work (and interested in the lives of people that I do not know).
I enjoyed "Am I a woman Scientist", "A lady scientist" and "The mother of all scientists" so much that I check for new posts everyday. In particular, I found Dr. Mom's series for "writing your first research paper" at a time where I was doing just that (Thank you so much!).

Can there be people out there that don't know that this resource exists?!

I am now four months in to my Australian Master of Medical Science (molecular biology/genetics), which I intend to convert to a PhD in the next 3 months or so. Given I am at the beginning of my research (and my research proposal is due in a few weeks time) this blog is intended to be a tool for helping me to stay focused, ranting when its needed (and probably when its not) keeping track of my achievements, a place to set goals and practice my writing.

Time to make another coffee.